Have To, Need To, Want To
Keeping with it when you don't want to.
The author and his doppelgänger, Resting Disappointment Face Brachiosaurus. Neither of them wanted to write this tonight. They did so anyway. You’re welcome.
As I mentioned earlier, the “no duh” secret of successful physical recovery process is this: You will only do those things that you find pleasurable. And the more you focus on that pleasure through mindfulness and focus, the more pleasure you’ll receive. It is an austere version of hedonism.
Okay, so that’s that. And you might say “Hey John, all of that sounds great and all, but this is the winter and everything sucks.”
To which I’d say: “Yes, it does. I really hate winter. Winter can go to hell.”
Maybe your winter isn’t the thing that you hate. Maybe you’re in a crappy season in your life. Perhaps you have a kid who Just Doesn’t Sleep Oh My God Why Are You Not Sleeping Just Sleep Oh My God Just SLEEP. Maybe you have a migraine.
Life gets in the way of everything, just like winter zaps my soul of warmth and joy.
It’s at moments like that when keeping that “austere hedonistic mindset” is all the more essential—and difficult.
The cold, damp, depressing morass of winter makes wanting to do any of this feel like a nonsense. You may ask “Austere hedonism? Why not actual old-fashioned hedonism? Bring on the chocolate, and video games, and television, and sex, and fried food, and alcohol and etc. etc. etc.”
You’d have a point. And humans aren’t robots—those things in moderation are great! Chocolate is delicious, sex is fun, and I LOVE playing the video games of my youth. We need things like that to put our lives in balance.
Balance is the key, though. And when we’re under stress or discomfort, the desire to overcompensate with macro-pleasures can completely derail your physical goals. And, depending upon the behaviors, can lead to larger problems in your life.
My company offers a whole bunch of free wellness programs that they pay for. I’m a cheapskate and if someone is going to give me something for free, I’m taking it. Why people don’t readily take advantage of these programs is beyond me.
One of the services they offer is called Newtopia. I qualified for it because I was still “overweight” according to my BMI. (BTW: BMI is mostly a scam.)
For the record: I don’t get a cent from Newtopia, but if they want to pay me…
Newtopia is a neat program. They give you a digital scale, a coach, resources, etc. But the thing I was most interested in was a genetic test which looks for “particular genetic predispositions toward overeating, gaining weight, metabolizing caffeine, and more…” I wanted to know what I was up against to keep this going.
What I found fascinated me.
I carry two copies of a variation on the DRD2 gene. According to the documentation they provided:
If you have a variation in this gene, you may have a reduced dopamine uptake. Dopamine is our pleasure hormone. If your brain does not receive enough dopamine, it will continue searching for satisfaction (other methods to increase pleasure) elsewhere. This can lead you to eating more foods that may be associated with feeling pleasure.
It explains a lot. It explains my propensity for emotional eating. It explained my overindulgence in alcohol during the COVID social panic. And there have been studies finding comorbidities between the DRD2 gene and depression, social dysfunction, addiction, and anxiety.
In English, your brain isn’t getting high on your own supply, so you look for other sources.
It explains why people become addicted to fatty foods, or pornography, or social media, or X-Box, or drugs, or alcohol, or <insert another vice here>.
This scans with my own experience. It’s why the NEED to replace pleasure with pleasure is essential in my own transformation.
I despise waking up early in the morning and dragging my saggy ass to the gym. But after I lift, I feel amazing. I feel accomplished, tingly, sexually potent, manly, in good humor, happy.
I hate running in the cold. Hate it. But afterward…I feel amazing. My brain feels clear. My mood is lighter. I can more easily concentrate on difficult work.
Andrew Huberman, a neurobiologist from Stanford, has done amazing work in explaining the dopamine cycle. He’s been all over the podcast circuit, but he does a two-hour masterclass explaining everything you need to know about this important neurochemical here. (If you don’t have two hours, this brief video lays out his thesis.)
I’ve watched both and they are worth your time. I won’t attempt to improve upon excellence. Watch them.
So. Where does this leave me with my lagging motivation? It’s cold and awful and things suck. I need to keep myself accountable to see patterns in my own motivation, to see what may help me focus.
I started doing something I’ve called “Have to, Need to, Want to.” Before every exercise session, I score my mindset with one of those ratings.
Have to: “Well, I’m tired and have no desire to do any of this, but I have to go to the gym today.”
Need to: “My brain is not feeling normal, and I know that jogging will help—I need to get that in so I can focus on my work later.”
Want to: “Holy crap, I can’t wait to do chest day today and feel like a sex god afterward!”
Right now, I’m gonna be honest with you—it’s mostly “have to,” with a slathering of “need tos” from time to time. Even warm winters such as this one are unpleasant. The grey skies. The short days. The cold dampness. The ennui and sadness. I literally just can’t even.
But something like this may help you when you’re trying to figure out why the hell you’re doing any of this. Sure, you’re probably doing this to lose weight or get fit or what have you. But, again, unless you learn to love the process, you will not do the process. You must keep yourself accountable.